Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Going public, My first entry

Not so sure how to start this, or even how far this will go.... Not sure if I will keep the details to myself, or maybe by letting every single grotesque detail out the pain in my heart will be released. My intention for this blog is not for a pity party, but more of a healing process for me. I have walked in shame for too long and I refuse to allow that to happen to me anymore and I am regaining my power that was stolen from me.
I have seen a few Psychiatrists and the best advice given to me was "Let it out". So here I am, about to expose the most inner secrets that I have. There is only a handful of people that already know about my life, but even they do not know the extent of the abuse and how it has affected me as an adult. I know I am not alone, but some days I feel that there is no one that has suffered like me, I cry, I scream, I get angry, I have to take medication to smile, I have anxiety attacks, I am afraid to be home alone, I do not trust anyone. My motto has always been "Get HIM before HE gets you".
I am taking a big step in allowing the world to know what has happen to me. I know I will lose many Friends and I am OK with that. I know that some people will turn a blind eye and I am OK with that too. I just hope that maybe one person out there can find solice in my story and know that there is a way out of this shame. This is not our fault. It took me my whole life to come to this conclusion "There is a master plan behind everything" so if my suffering will lead to healing in others,bringing more awareness to the matter, and finding peace of mind, then my path is complete.
The first time my soul was tattered I was 4 or 5 years old, about 3 month after I had arrived to the United States. I think this is where I will stop for now. Gather some more strength and remember that My heart only beats for one person, My daughter and I want to be the best mom in the world. I am doing this for her....


  1. You are so brave and I admire your stregth. Your true friends will stand by your side and your daughter will learn how brave her Mama is and how you would do Anything to protect her :)

  2. Thanks Shalyn.... Still trying to get used to this. Going back and forth wondering if I did the right thing... But it is good to know I have support. Means alot.... Thank you fro reading.....

  3. You have my love and support. 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused as children. 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused as children. Abuse makes people feel isolated and alone. Speaking out about it can bring healing for both the speaker and the listener/reader. You go girl!

  4. You are in my prayers, Sister! May God continue to give you the strength to carry on, as well as be a role model and example of determination for those who have gone through a similar experience. I LOVE YOU! :-)

  5. my parents r divorced and i have kept this secret until now. You blog made me feel powerful and all my fear was pushed aside. I told my mother what my father was doing, and she called he police. I am still ashamed and I am hurt that I hurt my grandparents. I just want you to know, you made a differnce in my life. Thank you!

  6. WOW! I am so happy to hear that. I am so very proud of you. You are extremely brave and your confession probably saved others as well. I wish I was as brave as you have been. I know you are worried about hurting your grandparents feelings, they might not understand how to react and sometimes it is hard for people to believe someone they have known their whole lives is a criminal. My advice to you is to focus on yourself at this moment. Tell your self every time you look in the mirror how brave and wonderful you are. In time your grandparents will come around and if they can not, that is ok too. You need to do what is healthy for you. I am so sorry that these things were happening to you, but know that you are not alone and I will be here for you if you ever need to talk. You are an inspiration to many young people that have not yet found their voice.