Monday, May 10, 2010

Statistics and Effects of Sexaual Abuse

We live in a society that holds Sex, in any form as a taboo. What do we get in return for holding such taboos? A world that tries to sweep these issues under the rug. A friend commented to me today that sexual abuse happens more often than we think we are just to afraid to talk about it. This made me want to look at statistics and the effects the abuse has caused to the victims in their adult life.
I wanted to continue my story, there is so much more to tell, but I wanted to let others that don't know the facts, the numbers what is really gong on in the world we live in . Also some of the horrible effects that have certainly hindered my life as an adolescent as well as n adult.
Did you know that 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted in the US alone? What does that mean? It means that the probability of you or someone you know has been victimized. The numbers are unimaginable. According to
every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted! It is so frightening to live in a world where others know no boundaries, that humans can be so undignified as to rip a persons heart right out of their chest and just watch it beat in their hands.
75% of victims know the person that assaulted them. Trust is shattered after that. You can never look at another human being the same way again. What do us victims get to look forward to? Being 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, 6 times more likely to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and 13 times more likely to become and alcoholic. Wow! Thanks a lot. So these devils that did this give us a little parting gift, a bag full of other demons to deal with.
Their are so many things that can happen to a person after they have been abused. We all deal in our own way. I have met people that have just been able to move past it as if it never happend. I wish I was as strong. I am getting there. There is not one day of my life that I do not wake up and think about what has happened to me. There is not one moment that I do not feel afraid. I am always on the look out, always checking doors and windows. For a long time I would never even walk down the street by myself. I was to afraid. My life has been drastically altered because of the abuse I have suffered in the hands of twisted souls, that probably don't think twice about the damage they have caused.
Again, there are several reactions to being Raped/molested, I will talk about the things that have effected me the most. The biggest issue I have is guilt. I blame myself still for the abuse that took place over and over again by my neighbor. I knew what he was going to do to me, but I continued to go over there because I liked chocolate. It was that simple. I know I was a child, but how stupid could I be? Did I subconsciously like what he was doing? These things make me feel like such a loser, almost like I brought it upon myself. It is only now that I am feeling brave enough to tell my story. Up until now I walked in shame, hoping no one would ever find out about my past. In fear that people would look at me differently. I don't care anymore. I am healing, I am moving forward and I am not going to be ashamed anymore. This is a long process and I am not going to hide in the face of fear, I will confront it!
I have never trusted anyone. Every relationship I have ever had has always been abusive, verbally or physically. My self esteem is -20. Not feeling that I am worth anything I allow my life to be dominated by negativity and fear, that is all I have ever known. I am scared to be abandoned. I rather suffer than be alone. I can't express myself in the way others can. The only person I feel 100% secure in showing all my affection to is to my daughter. Others in my life including my husband are ostracized by my fears.
Trying to cope with the abuse is hard. Some of us drink, do drugs, thankfully I did not go that route. Others become promiscuous, or always looking for attention from men. Makes me feel like I have control of them for a while.
Another issue I have that effects me the most are the ever so annoying flashbacks. They can happen at anytime, sometimes I don't even need a trigger. Most of the time it happens during sex, I might feel a little insecure about my body and how it is not to "standard" and I will begin to feel strange and dizzy, and bam! There I am laying on a cold bathroom floor, I can even smell the mildew from the musky bathroom floor. I hate that. It makes me feel so ashamed and embarrassed when I snap out of it. I feel like I can never win sometimes.
On top of all that, I have somatic body memories, I tell Dr's and they tell me "it is anxiety or you need to rest, It is in your head, you are worry wart" NO that is not it. It took a Psychiatrist I once had to tell me that these symptoms, which include Migraines, insomnia, hot flashes, dizziness and constantly being light headed is a way that my body tries to cope with the trauma. Always angry and mad with no explanation. "Oh she is hormonal". Post traumatic Stress Disorder they call it. You know the same thing that some soldiers get after being exposed to the horrors of war. The horrors in my heart are equally as strong.
I hope that by me telling my story I am giving a voice to someone that can't speak yet. Do not be afraid. But please do not hide. Don't wait your whole life to try to fix yourself. Do it now. Don't let them take your life away. We are worth every single breath we take. We would have not been placed on this earth if we were not.


  1. I saw this blog post on a friends FaceBook page. Although I am not ready to tell my story, Please know that your story has truly inspired me to try to get help. I am in my late 20's and although my abuse was not as extreme I think the scars left behind are the same for everyone. Drugs, drinking, sex, didn't give myself any worth. Thank you for doing this for all of the girls that do not the courage. You are an inspiration. Thank you.

  2. You are very welcome. Comments like this is what is going to keep me going. when You are ready to talk there are several references. Trust me when I tell you that releasing the horrors inside will make you heart fly like a bird. You have already taken the first step. I believe in you and want to help. I am not a medical professional, but we can counsel each other. My e-mail address is Think you or visiting my blog. My prayers are going out to you my fellow soldier.

  3. Awesome Post will help so many people know that they are not alone :)

  4. Shalyn,
    It is truly amazing the amount of feed back I am receiving because of this blog. Although somedays a I still want to run away and hide seeing the effect it has had on on others is so inspirational... I am fighting so hard to not give up and everyday it is getting easier just knowing that people care and others are gaining courage. Thank you so much for supporting my blog......